How do you say 'hallelujah' in Martian?

Is it holy water? I'm waiting until the Martian bacteria accept their Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, into their tiny microbial hearts.

a typical day in the office

The threat of "inadvertent" nuclear apocalypse keeps us sharp!

Good to know we haven't backed away too far from the brink!

And the every-pressing question, has Hiroshima become too normal?

idle talk

A good article on the benefits of turning off your car instead of letting it idle.

school-shooting drive-by?

Next one that happens, you know you can blame Obama!

apoplectic

Now this is a word I like! The Dictionary.com definition is more technical, but Merriam-Webster's captures the modern usage very succinctly:

apoplectic

1: of, relating to, or causing stroke
2: affected with, inclined to, or showing symptoms of stroke
3: of a kind to cause or apparently cause stroke (an apoplectic rage); also : greatly excited or angered (was apoplectic over the news)

nerdkore

Ewe ar such a NERD!

In the land of the recently freed from prison

"They hate us for our freedom."

Yes, King Shrub, that and our peace-loving way of life, lol.

Make-mud Ahma - Ajabadah .. babajabadah ... goo-goo, ga-ga

In another conspiracy of non-reporting by devil-worshipping, gay liberal abortionist baby-raping Western capitalist-whore journalists, Iranian President Mahmud Ahmadinejad was actually correct when he stated there were no homosexuals in Iran. That is true. They have all fled elsewhere to seek asylum, lol.

taser-on-taser violence

See, after the Virginia Tech shootings, some people thought the only solution was to better arm teachers. I agree. Giving weapons to inadequately trained civilians is, in general, an effective deterrent from deadly violence. In fact, the only solution to most violent confrontations is more violence. It's not like easy access to weaponry can escalate otherwise innocuous situations into a life-or-death struggle, people simply don't behave that way. People are nearly always rational and react in proportion to the affront dealt them.

Take this case for instance. The only clear solution to this horrible display of taser-on-taser violence is more tasers. Imagine if the van had a taser how much easer of a time it would've had defending itself against both men and short-circuiting their violent intents altogether. Why are lawmakers so blind to such obvious, simple, eminently workable solutions? Goddamned left-wing conspirators ... if we left it to the crazy Belgians, we'd all have drowned in our own impotence already.

You know, we always seem to come to an impasse in this country when it comes to guns. I believe we, as Americans, should just stick to the things we know how to do and do well, like teaching people how to drink responsibly.

(and drive even better - I wonder if the two are related?)

why they hate us, part 1 trillion

Hmmm ... a trillion for wanton destruction, and a paltry 1 billion (promised aide feeds no mouths) for helping people eat.

What was that about hearts and minds? Apparently there is no space in the agenda for stomachs. I mean, how could anyone truthfully assert that we have our priorities anywhere but in exactly the right place? It's not like the haves try to instigate the have-nots. However, to be fair, people have actually done the acts depicted, and in the name of Islam. So why do people get so offended by the replaying of facts? These things happened. It is offensive to Muslims to blame all Islam because of the acts of a few, this is true, but this is also known as freedom of speech. We give you the freedom to worship whatever you like, a freedom which many Islamic countries do not have, and you cannot choose your freedoms piecemeal - they come as a set, take them all or leave them all.

secondary intelligence

Very clever indeed - much more clever than using contraceptives. How did the mother not notice her daughter was pregnant? That's kind of a difficult thing to hide, even if you are tubby.

the decider

So first he tells our enemies to bring it on, then he blames the servicemen for his televised premature ejaculation (of 'victory') bullshit media stunt.

This is the behavior of a "war-time" President? Not in living memory ...

This just in!
Iraqis everywhere are bathing in the sweet smell of victory!

Ave Ma-lmfao

I had trouble deciding whether to add this to my YouTube playlist as "comedy" or "music" ... when the wind catches his papal ... whatever that thing is on his shoulders, he looks like a cute little white Nazi eagl- dove, like a peace-loving, non-anti-aircraft firing Hitler youth dove.

canufacturing monsent

This is how we do.

not so crazy after all

Rudy Giuliani was one of the few who defended Barack Obama when he rattled the sabre in Pakistan's direction. Turns out the US military also seems to think that the junior senator from Illinois isn't so crazy after all.

what're role models for?

I'd be willing to bet that she was Karl Rove's!

holy ... living ... g-o-d

NSFW (in some parts of the world only - I love living in Europe!)


Keeley Hazell Nude Photo Shoot - Click here for more amazing videos

a varied agglomeration of schnitzels

St Peter? Nah, I won't be coming up after all ...
Great to know that the namesake of the Zell-Lurie Institute is engaging the great satan! Here's a tip to budding entrepreneurs - don't let morals get in the way of profit, that's bad business.

Yo, what can I get for this bling?
Invest in pwnage! I think classifying pawn shops "financial stocks" is a stretch by anyone's imagination, lol.

Shell-outs to the Sell-outs
Fuck the pittance checks GWB sends. How can people be so stupid as to think those help?

Too high-class for Florida?
Nothing says I fuck my cousin/sister/uncle's goats like having sack hanging from your bumper. How does a gun-store owner claim any moral authority in this? I also love how one of the Republicans had "truck nutz" on his vehicle, lmfao.

50 first shots
See, he just kept forgetting due to the short-term memory loss induced by too many Adam Sandlar movies. If they made 50 repeated, unnecessarily deadly mistakes, shouldn't they at least be forced to apologize 50 times? How unjust that they only had to apologize once! Unfair!

Buying votes, selling souls
I love that we're being patronized by our own government, receiving token amounts of money in order to placate the masses and/or coerce them into frivolous spending. Bang on, that's exactly what we need more of! "Hey, we drove this car into a ditch going 100mph, I say we gun the throttle until we hit 120, that should help immensely!"

won't you be my neighbor?

I is so hongrie.